I guess I’m not that concerned with the federal government interfering with my health care WHEN IT ALREADY FUCKING DOES.
Jesus Christ, sometimes the level of cognitive dissonance that republicans have is literally unbelievable. Do they not listen to the words they say?
Really Mitt? In what way?
Please explain this to me, I really want to know.
- Rick Perry had a meltdown. His train of thought derailed multiple times and he was slurring his words slightly.
- Mitt Romney’s hair was jauntily tousled and he probably gets a boost from this.
- Herman Cain proved he’s not a misogynist by referring to Rep. Nancy Pelosi as “Princess Nancy” and gave Jim Cramer a stroke by referencing 9-9-9 when Cramer said specifically not to at all.
- Michele Bachmann insulted poor people by saying they could pay taxes by buying “two less Happy Meals.”
- Ron Paul suggested students pay for college like they pay for cell phones and that getting rid of student loans will make the price go down. He alternated between Grandpa Simpson and soothsayer.
- Rick Santorum was lost because he couldn’t talk about abortions and gay people killing America.
- Newt Gingrich got his ass handed to him by moderators for claiming “media is not reporting accurately how the economy works.” At a CNBC debate.
- Jon Huntsman was the grown-up in the room, reminding everyone Americans watching this debate are hurting. They’re losing their jobs, their houses, and there’s no simple solution. He had ideas versus talking points. So he’s going to sink further than 1% in the polls.
Like I said last time, Comedy Central seriously needs to hold one of these debates. Moderated by John Stewart and Stephen Colbert. They are pure comedy.
Let’s take a look at who’s running, shall we?
First up, we have the Democratic nomination. So far only two contenders:
President Barack Obama - Incumbent President of the United States.
Randall Terry - A pro-life activist from New York. He’s been arrested more than forty times and has run for public office twice, both times losing in the Republican primaries. Yeah, essentially he seems crazy. Check his Wikipedia page, do it.
Then, there’s the Republican nomination. So many hopefuls, some of them are really crazy. Here are the declared candidates:
John Davis - Businessman and construction worker from Colorado.
Newt Gingrich - Former Speaker of the House from Georgia.
Gary E. Johnson - Former governor of New Mexico.
Fred Karger - Political consultant and gay rights activist from California.
Andy Martin - Perennial candidate(one who frequently runs for offices with no or little success) from Illinois.
Jimmy McMillan - Perennial candidate from New York.
Ron Paul - Representative from Texas.
Jonathon Sharkey - perennial candidate, wrestler and vampire from Florida. That’s right, vampire. Twice a week he drinks the blood of his girlfriends and mistresses. He also drinks cow and pig blood. He claims to be a Satanist. He is also in favour of torturing and impaling certain criminals instead of jailing them. He’s been on several Fox News shows, and has been described by Tucker Carlson as, “not simply a vampire, a right-wing vampire.”
Republicans who have not officially declared, but have filed papers or created an exploratory committee for a run:
Herman Cain - Former Federal Reserve banker and businessman from Georgia.
Roy Moore - Former Chief Justice of the Alabama Supreme Court.
Tim Pawlenty - Former governor of Minnesota.
Buddy Roemer - Former governor of Louisiana.
Mitt Romney - Former governor of Massachusetts.
Rick Santorum - Former Senator from Pennsylvania.
The Green Party and the Socialist Party are backing the same candidate:
Stewart Alexander - Activist and 2008 Socialist Party vice-presidential nominee.
A couple of independents:
Joe Schriner - Former journalist, author and perennial candidate from Ohio.
Robert “Naked Cowboy” Burck - Street performer from New York. Take a look at his page, please. This guy plays a guitar in Times Square in nothing but a cowboy hat, boots, and briefs. He is apparently a Tea Partier and that is the platform he’s running on.
Prospective candidates based on actions, statements, etc.
Jim Hightower - Liberal and populist commentator from Texas.
Representative Michele Bachmann of Minnesota.
John R. Bolton - Former US Ambassador to the United Nations from Maryland.
Governor Mitch Daniels of Indiana.
Rudy Giuliani - Former mayor of New York City.
Jon Huntsman, Jr. - Former US Ambassador China and former governor of Utah.
Representative Thad McCotter of Michigan.
Sarah Palin - 2008 republican vice-presidential candidate and former governor of Alaska.
Donald Trump - Businessman from New York.
Wayne Allyn Root - Entrepenur and 2008 libertarian vice-presidential candidate from Nevada.
People who have stated they aren’t running.
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.
Howard Dean - Former governor of Vermont.
Russ Feingold - Former Senator of Wisconsin.
Representative Dennis Kucinich of Ohio.
Governor Haley Barbour
Senator Scott Brown
Governor Chris Christie
Senator Bob Corker
Senator Jim DeMint
Mike Huckabee - He had no chance, but it still makes me feel better.
Governor Bobby Jindal
Governor Bob McDonnell
Representative Mike Pence
Governor Rick Perry
General David Petraeus
Senator Marco Rubio
Representative Paul Ryan
Senator John Thune
Representative Allen West
Mayor Michael Bloomberg of New York
Senator Bernie Sanders
So that’s what’s going on so far. A few people who make sense, a surprising number of crazy people, and some other people who probably won’t end up mattering.
Thoughts, comments, opinions, wagers?